Time

Have you ever thought about time? I was talking to a friend the other day and she said, “I’m going to be 40 in 5 years!!!” My response was, “Yeah! You wanna hear something MORE mind-blowing? You’ll have a 5- and 6-year-old.”

Silence struck. Oh, my goodness. She JUST had her second baby a month ago and in 5 years she will have a 5- and 6-year-old. I personally will have an 11-, 9- and two 5-year-olds. This is when I realized that the concept of time is relative. As an adult those 5 years seem so soon, in the near future. However, when we think about our kids the same 5 years seem so far away.

I remember when I was younger and planning my whole life out the way I wanted it. I was going to be married at 20 and would be finished having kids by the time I was 25. Sounds like a legit plan, right? WRONG. That is what I wanted. It’s a narrative that I pushed. I DID get married at 20. I also was divorced by 23. (Gasp) I know I said the D word–taboo for the Christian community. In my own defense, this was B.C. Jess. (Before Christ).

“In their hearts humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes their steps” (Proverbs 16:9, NIV).

God alone has planned my purpose and destiny; He planted seeds in the forms of people, well before I even knew who they were and what purpose they served.

13 years ago, I was having a revelation that the relationship that I was cherishing and respecting was not reciprocated in the same regard. It slapped me in the face that the mental abuse and anguish was not normal for a marriage–or any relationship for that matter–but I wanted my life to be the way I saw it, the way I NEEDED it to be.

“The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever” (1 John 2:17, NIV).

And since all the family and friends I had that were attached to that relationship were gone, I was alone to navigate this road. Again, in my own way. One day I broke; I hit my knees and released all the sadness and resentment I held on to. I prayed that God take me from Pittsburgh to North Carolina and I would do anything He told me to do. I would find a church and devote my life to Jesus. God knew in that moment that I meant it. He knew my heart had changed and I was ready to hit my course running.

“We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body” (2 Corinthians 4:8-11, NIV).

Time alone has healed me. Time showed me that Jesus is the only way to a happy and prosperous life. 5 years seems so long and so far ago, all at the same time, but as far as Jesus is concerned it is just a drop in the bucket for the calling over our lives. Cherish the moments, don’t rush God’s plan, and enjoy the scenic route when it’s time to take it.