My First Love

White Nights was released in 1985 when I turned ten. I had been taking ballet for just a couple of years, but I loved it, and I adored Mikhail Baryshnikov. I’m certainly aging myself so, for all the young readers you need to understand that Baryshnikov was all things amazing. He was born in Latvia and quickly rose to a principal dancer in Russia. Soon after he defected from Russia to the United States and became a principal dancer in NYC. On top of that he started acting in movies. In short, he was handsome, masculine, extraordinarily talented and had an accent! To my ten-year-old brain he was quite literally everything. For years I followed his career. I would watch his ballets and his movies in repeat and strive to emulate his performances. It was nothing short of worship. I was young, I was impressionable, and I was innocent…sort of. Then I grew up and realized he was still handsome and talented but no matter how hard I worked I wasn’t in his league when it came to talent.

There were so many other things I’ve worshipped since I was ten. But what I keep hearing from God lately is what He tells the church in Ephesus in Revelation 2:4: But I have this against you, that you have left your first love (NASB 95). I don’t think He meant my love for Baryshnikov in this case, but He meant my love for Himself. How did I show my love for an actor/dancer? I watched him as much as possible, I memorized his lines in movies, I emulated his moves. Can I say the same about my Savior? So, I go back and think about what it felt like when I realized that Jesus was the Savior of the world. I can say I felt awe. Then I remind myself that not only did Jesus’s birth, life, death, and resurrection save the world, but it also gave me personally the opportunity to be with Him for all eternity. Now I feel awe and joy. I kind of lived like that for a while as I went to church and started to understand more and more of the Bible. Then God undeniably answered my prayers, and our relationship went from awe and wonder to love and worship. God was always there, and He was always the same, but the more I leaned in the more I could see who He truly was with my heart, with my soul, and with my mind. Why would I ever leave that? There is peace, joy, and happiness there but how easily I can let the world creep in with its tiny lies. Things like, “That can’t be what God meant,” “Your sin isn’t that bad,” “Just don’t do it again.” There are so many lies the devil whispers in our ears using the very things we think we understand, and we begin to leave our first love and love the things of the world instead. This is exactly how the devil tried to get Christ to sin–by using God’s own words. But Jesus knew not just the words but God’s heart. He loved God, He loved the relationship they had, and knew God for all He is. Don’t listen to the world and the shallowness it has to offer but embrace all that is good, just, and right with our first love and pursue holiness by worshipping God and Him alone. Memorize His lines, emulate His moves, and talk to Him and listen. Every day, all day–and know that He fills me with His Holy Spirit and we will be together for all eternity.