Taking Our Speech Seriously  

The past few months I’ve been making a new effort to take my speech seriously. My efforts originally came from making sure I was only contributing Christ-honoring speech if a conversation I was part of turned to gossip, judgment, unkindness, etc. But after thinking about it, it only became more relevant as I thought of how we speak to one another day to day amid hostility that has seemed to increase over time. While this topic is by no means new, here is what I’ve been reflecting on, as a reminder:

Colossians 4:5-6 reads: Walk in wisdom toward outsiders, making the best use of the time. Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person (ESV). The way I come across to others who do not trust Jesus as their Savior matters. Wisdom (see James 3:17) includes how I speak and behave around those who do not know Him and those who are growing in their walk with Him (which is everyone around us). Using wisdom in our interactions is making the best use of the time, rather than wasting it on folly. In this teaching in Colossians 4, Paul the Apostle explains that making a lifestyle out of wisdom will lead us to a habit of Christ-honoring, gracious, kind, and knowledgeable speech towards others.

Speech being “gracious and seasoned with salt” comes across to me immediately as the image of the kind of “classy lady” I hope to be based on Proverbs 31, my current and growing understanding of biblical womanhood, and the women after God’s heart that I see in the scriptures. Graciousness comes from grace, which is essentially giving someone mercy and kindness when they may or may not deserve it. If I focus on giving grace in my speech and actions and never on whether people deserve that or not, which is what God tells me to do (plus, only He can decide if they’re deserving or not anyway…), I will much more likely have a gracious and unassuming attitude as well. Salt is a preservative and delicious flavor for food. “Seasoning my words with salt” makes it into something that can help preserve people (help preserve their faith, motivation, mood, high spirits, etc.), and makes conversations about important topics like faith and difficult circumstances more “flavorful and delicious,” wise, gentle, kind, helpful, the list goes on!

My mindset and attitude will impact my speech and behavior, but my speech and behavior can also impact my mindset. Think of how we can be feeling crabby but know we should choose kind words anyway—then in turn I’ll see negativity, jealousy, judginess, skepticism and a million others start to flee from my heart. When I started to pay more attention to God’s teachings on speech that honors Him, I started to notice and feel disappointed by things like negative talk about others behind their back, gossip, off-color/offensive jokes, and others—not that my speech is perfect, ha! But with more understanding I started to notice these habits in myself and others and work on, and pray about, ways to change my speech to be more Christlike and to respond to others’ speech when it isn’t Christlike.

And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell…but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so (James 3:6, 8-10). I definitely had to think for a while and narrow down what to pull from chapter 3 of James on this topic, but I found this chunk to be the most compelling communication of the power we hold just by owning a mouth that can speak. I am particularly gut-punched by hearing that oftentimes we praise our Father and turn around and curse others whom he made in his own likeness. Truly our speech is one of the easiest ways to overlook misrepresenting God. I don’t want to worship in the sanctuary and then catch myself at brunch speaking hatefully about whichever politician I disagree with, gossiping about friends, or failing to watch my words when I speak of my husband who deserves my great respect. If my tongue can be “full of deadly poison,” let me make sure I stay in Christ’s presence to avoid poisoning others! We can “stain the whole body” of Christ, the Church, by misusing the gift of speech He gave us.

To combat the nightmares that un-Christlike speech can cause, I have been memorizing and meditating on scriptures:

Ephesians 4:29: Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. This verse is exciting to me; while it’s difficult to define ‘corrupting talk’ sometimes, and people often disagree on this, if I focus also on speaking to build people up, I am more likely to be remembered as encouraging, kind, helpful, etc., etc.!

Psalm 19:14: Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer. I repeat this in my head before things like work (lots of gossip and negative talk among coworkers) and when part of conversations that have taken on a judgmental or disagreeing tone.

Psalm 141:3: Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips! I think of this verse when I hear others say things that I strongly disagree with, am offended by, or am afraid I might respond to in a nasty way (because I have strong emotions about it–which is good! IF I express them in a Christlike way!).

Psalm 49:3: My mouth shall speak wisdom; the meditation of my heart shall be understanding. I like to think of this verse before I see a counseling client (anyone could use this while talking with someone going through something difficult, among many other scriptures), before I go to junior high ministry or work at a middle school with lots of tough kids, and when I speak with those who don’t know Christ/anyone I know I may really think differently from.

Proverbs 15:1: A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.  This is self-explanatory…but how difficult it is to remain soft when hurt or arguing with someone. All of these verses took on new meaning when I married my husband. 🙂 How might they change over time for you?

All of those above are a drop in the ocean of scriptures found in the Bible that aid us in our everyday speech. And even if we don’t tend to engage in conversations often with those who aren’t Christian, people we disagree with, people reckless with their words, or the odd social media catfights everywhere, we all have families, friends, and/or coworkers—who need to know Christ. Consider how you can “season your speech with salt,” be wise and gracious, and “let no corrupting talk come out of your mouth” in our day-to-day life.In this, we preach about Christ every day!