I am grateful that I know our Lord who plucks me out of my pit. “He lifted me out of the mud” and gave me a “new song”. I am a child of God and He fights my battles. He pulled, lifted, tugged and sometimes dragged me out of the pit to put me in a better place, a sturdy place, on a rock and not on sinking sand. I know that I can visit that pit that was my home for a long time and I can ask God to lift me out and leave it behind.
picture yourself driving; the front window is large so that you can see where you’re going, but you look in the small review mirror often for shorter amounts of time. It helps to keep you safe to get to your destination. I love that visual. If you stare in the review mirror for an extended period of time you might crash or have to pull over because you can’t drive forward staring backwards.
This more recent flight was different; it was extremely windy, we had a few bumps, but not the amount of turbulence I would have thought. As we got close to our destination, the captain came on the speaker to tell us we would be having turbulence on our way down to land. He also told the staff to take a seat, it would be bumpier than they were used to as well. Landings are difficult for me, but as we prayerfully descended I was feeling such peace that I just don’t usually have at that point. I was relieved because we were about to touch down and this feeling of relief was starting to flood through my body. But then we weren’t. We were not touching down. We were not slowing down. We were speeding up. We were lifting up. We were going higher and higher. You could hear a pin drop on this fully filled flight. The babies weren’t even crying, singing or yelling. It was quiet. Everyone was scared.
With that in mind, I have been questioning why all of this is happening. I’m questioning God. I know that God can handle my questions, but I need to find the answers. I know that God is who He says He is. I know He can do what He says He can do. But do I really believe that when things get really scary? Do I believe that He will show up? Can I really put the fate of my children in God’s hands? Can I put all my earthly treasures and possessions in God’s hands? I know these treasures on earth are not the important things, but once my mind starts down this path, I just kept on questioning, spinning out of control. Can I trust that God is going to show up? He has so many times before, yet I am questioning if he’ll show up for me again, or have I used up all my favors? I am scared!
“Doodoodoo dadadoodoo… under pressure.” Remember the song from David Bowie in the … 80”s? Yes, I’m dating myself. But it is true, “pushing down on me, pushing down on you.” Our lives these days are so crazy and we’re all under such pressure. Our health might not be in the best of shape. Our jobs are just that: jobs, not the fun, passion-filled, joyful place that you “get” to go to everyday, but the place you HAVE to go to so that you can pay your bills. Our children might be trying our last nerve, not doing well in school or on the field. Our marriages might be breaking down and friendships might be under stress. We’re in situations that are just plain scary.
I was diagnosed with MS about 14 years ago. The good news, that I found out immediately, is that there is medicine that can help me cope with all of the symptoms and maybe even help stay in remission. This wasn’t always the case! The bad news is that all of the medical treatment options were needles– injections. I don’t like needles, like a lot of people. In fact, I’ve passed out at just the sight of a needle before. I thought this was a cruel joke! I did it every day, took that shot, that needle, which was going to keep me in remission. It never did, but I kept trying different medication options. Always needles.