My version of the story was idyllic and cobbled together with denial. The truth, however, was that the pain inside me had never left. The shame over all I had done was a heavy burden that I held deep. And being a Christian did not make me immune to addiction. I was profoundly sick and doing quite a job of keeping it a secret.
So many questions and fears with no easy answers, and we can struggle to get through each day in the face of these unknowns. I have wrestled with my own questions and disappointments throughout this year, but did my best to hold onto the truths that I already do know. God has given us an immeasurable gift in His Word.
We had crossed the country for a wedding. When the radiant bride walked down the aisle, with our daughter as her flower girl, I was in the operating room. The disappointment of missing that family event was, at the time, eclipsed by what was happening to us.
I am currently parenting my youngest child through the middle school years, which I think we can agree are maybe not the most fun. There’s a lot of emotions and hormones running the brains of middle schoolers, as they start seeking more independence and making dubious friend choices. There’s a lot of teeth-gritting on my part as I remind myself that my other two kids survived these years, and that we will muddle through somehow.
There’s a Trisha Yearwood song from many years ago titled, The Song Remembers When. It’s a favorite of mine, as it talks about how connected music is to our life experiences. God created our amazing brains that attach memories to our senses.
I’ve read this before, and any kid who grew up going to Sunday school or Vacation Bible School has doubtless heard the story of how David slew the giant Goliath. But as a writer, I like to imagine that David’s speech was loud and mighty and that he resounded with his audience just like William Wallace or Aragorn. But whether he shouted or spoke quietly, David went out with confidence because he knew that the fight belonged to the Lord.