You see Scott died before Hayes was born, leaving him a “fatherless child.” There are different days each year that sting a little more than others, and this holiday is certainly one of them.
This Father’s Day I took a little time to sit and reflect upon why I was feeling so much more grief than usual; and then it made total sense. The pain that I feel when my son is suffering is so much more intense than when it’s just my own. I mourned for what could have been and what should have been.
I mourned as I watched Hayes carry on with his day, completely unaware of the massive hole in his world.
I mourned as I watched Father’s Day commercials and read sappy social media posts with pictures of young fathers riding horses and going fishing with their young kids.
I mourned as we made plans to visit the cemetery instead of making plans for breakfast in bed; and I questioned again why God put us in this position.
A couple of days later, after the dust settled, I was reminded that just like my heart breaks for my son, Jesus’ heart breaks for us.
Isaiah 53:3 refers to Jesus as a “man of sorrows,” and familiar with suffering.
He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows and familiar with suffering (Isaiah 53:3 NIV).
This reminder really helped me. It helped me feel less alone and remember that as I weep for Hayes, Jesus weeps for me. He knows my heart and knows my fears and desires.
Some days it’s hard to remember that there is a greater plan in the works. But just as I am doing everything I can to set Hayes up for the best possible future, I’m confident that Jesus is doing that on my behalf.
For His promises, I am so grateful.