I’ve been up a lot at night lately, sometimes in the middle of the night; or wide awake at 4:30 AM. This is not usual for me. I like my sleep and if you ask my husband, he’ll tell you one of my favorite things to do is nap. My worries are getting bigger than I can ‘handle’. And, outside of the occasional occurrence of getting lost in a good book, the fact is that it’s my worries keeping me up. I have 3 boys and they’re awesome. They are also at great ages: 9, 11 & almost 14. My middle son was diagnosed with high functioning Autism Spectrum Disorder several years back. You really wouldn’t know it until you hang with him for a while. Unfortunately, it affects his social skills more than anything. Do the math now: middle schooler + socialization problems = feeling helpless. I worry about him making and keeping friends, being teased, feeling loved & accepted, getting appropriate support, etc. I worry about these things for all 3 boys but he’s my heavy hitter in the worry department. I worry about their mental health, pressure from school, the boys falling in with the wrong crowd, their access to social media.
Ephesians 6:11 tells us to “put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.” Did I give them enough armor? I should probably check in with them and make sure they have enough. I’m not being sarcastic here, I’m thinking I need to check in with my guys and I should do it more frequently.
Right now, what is also tugging on my heartstrings is this feeling of complete helplessness with my kids in general. I feel as if it’s prompted by recent events in our area. Like many parents in our community this summer, I feel a bit overwhelmed with worry and I have several families on my mind and in my heart. We have had two local families affected by a diving accident and drowning, respectively. Additionally, while writing this, a horrific event was unfolding. Four local boys, in their late teens and early twenties, went missing last week and, as of a recent press conference, it seems their remains have been located. One young man, also local, is in custody. We don’t know what happened for sure; there are speculations and assumptions but no answers yet. Here’s what we know, they said goodbye to their loved ones and never came home. I just cannot imagine. One day, soon, my eldest will say, “Mom, I’m picking up so and so and we’re going to wherever. I’ll check in with you. Love you”.
This morning, I inadvertently jumped a day ahead in my daily devotion book and found this gem, “Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own?”– Matthew 6:34. God totally knew I needed to hear that right now. So, for now, I’m going to keep doing just that.
Caroline, thanks so much for sharing your heart. My middle child is also HFA, and I totally understand all the middle school fears. God is so good, and I love how He graciously soothes our mama-hearts.