This morning as I was throwing hay to the horses and filling up the water trough, I took this picture of my little house in the woods.
It’s a great house. I love the tin roof, the wrap-around porch, the brick walls, and the huge windows that overlook beautiful wooded pastures. I love the sounds of the bulls, roosters, cows, and horses that I hear from the front porch. I love the barn and I love keeping an eye out for the buck that seems to have made his home on my land. I love all of this and more, but this house was not my dream.
In 2018, Scott and I bought our dream home. We loved that home so much and loved fixing it up to our liking and filling the rooms with furnishings that represented us. When he died in 2020, I could no longer afford our dream home, and couldn’t take care of that much land on my own.
This little house in the woods was perfect. Enough land for the animals, much closer to town (hospitals, grocery stores, and family) and was doable for my income. I was excited for a new, beautiful home, but hated leaving our family home and all we had hoped for, behind. That was our dream and I got to live in it for 2 short years.
Now I’m in a place of rebuilding my dreams. God, good counseling, time, and prayers have healed my heart enough that I’m now trying to pick up the pieces of my life and imagine a different dream.
I still dream of being a wife; raising Hayes (& hopefully more children) the way that Scott & I wanted to. I still dream of taking family trips, going grocery shopping & going to little league games with my family. I can see that and I know I want that, but that’s as far as it goes right now. I’m not sure how to get from where I sit right now, to that dream in my head.
Covid has changed life for everyone in one way or another. Some people have lost loved ones, some have lost their jobs, some have lost their sense of community and their well-oiled routines. When life seemed to be going in one direction, this pandemic swept in and caused each of us to shift, squirm and figure out how to live side by side with a virus that most definitely wasn’t in any of our plans.
A verse that I continue to hold on to as I figure out what’s next in this completely unexpected place, is Psalm 46:10: “Be still and know that I am God.”
God has provided so much more than I could have dreamed of, since becoming a widow; and I know that He will continue to make a way for me & Hayes. I’ve found it so important to cling to God’s word and His promise as I figure out what’s next in this very unexpected chapter of life.
As I sit in the unknown, I’m so thankful for my little house in the woods and most importantly, the baby and animals that call it home. It won’t be our forever home, but it’s an incredible resting place for me to continue to heal and discover what God has planned for our lives.
Sarah S. lives on a farm in Oklahoma with her rescue animals. She is a teacher, a young widow, and is working on building her family through IVF and adoption. You can listen to any of our Bible studies by tuning in to your favorite radio station, listening to our podcasts on our website or iTunes, listening through TuneIn, Spotify, or Stitcher online radio, or watching us on YouTube!